I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
