Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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