I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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