I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
