Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
