You can't motorboat a personality
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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