i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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