i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
