i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
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I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
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Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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