Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
