I think i peed on brittanys purse
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
