I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
