can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
