We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
