T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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