I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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