this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
