Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
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My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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