shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
