I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize