My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
