youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
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At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
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he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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