you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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