I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
