guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
