dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
