you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
