I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Randomize
