I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
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My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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