If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
