I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
