my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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