i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
