Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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