He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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