This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
