I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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