Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
