My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm going to jail i love you
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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