Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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