ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
