Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
