Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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