the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
They are going to name an STD after you.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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