We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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