Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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