did you get engaged???
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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