I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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