If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
