I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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