Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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