We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
