I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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