Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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