Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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