I'm lost and stupid without you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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