I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize