I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
