if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
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I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
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I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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