You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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