Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
