somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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