I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
