I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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