I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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