ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
