i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
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You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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