Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
