Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I will be naked everywhere
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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