ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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