shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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