So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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