I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
