Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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