One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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