allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
